I’ve had this a lot, and unfortunately, my man struggles to apologise. He prefers to think about it first, before just saying it, which honestly, when I think about it…I appreciate it more. However, my issue is whether or not he will in fact apologise.
I won’t act all high and mighty about anything, because I’ve had my mood swings where he’s probably had his head in his hands, thinking ‘here we go again’, but more often or not I only get moody or over-dramatic if I’ve been hurt, and I’ve told him, and he’s done nothing about it.
He seems to think gliding over the topic will help, and after my confession about whatever is upsetting me, I expect more than that. I expect him to take ownership of why he’s upset me, and to make it better. Ignoring the issue because you don’t want to ‘argue’ is bullshit. Ignoring me, and changing the topic, just makes me think that my feelings don’t matter, and that is like a kick in the teeth.
It usually takes me a day to admit what upsets me. An entire blasted day, due to the thoughts in my head telling me that maybe it doesn’t matter, maybe I’m being petty…perhaps I’ll feel okay after a cup of tea, or if I bring up this topic he’ll get defensive and we’ll fight.
But the other half of my brain says: Wake the fuck up. If he cares, he’ll listen. He’ll make it better. He’ll apologise.
Yet, once I’ve followed through with telling him what’s wrong, since communication is awesome and all, he…ignores…me. Here’s the best part. If he thinks I’m in a mood, he threatens not to text me for a few days…
Am I going insane? Or did he just totally disregard my feelings as if they meant nothing to him whatsoever? Am I meant to take this? No. So here’s what I did. I told him I didn’t appreciate being ignored, and that I’ll not be texting so he can think about things, and then maybe we’ll talk later. And you know what? I don’t feel better for it. He’s not texting me, I’m not texting him, and I’m worrying over if he is taking me seriously or not, and if he even cares that he upset me. Site after site will say ‘don’t text first, wait, he’ll get the hint’, but this is one stubborn man I’m dealing with, and I always think that if I text first it means I care more, and he’ll win.
But it’s not about winning. It isn’t supposed to be.
We’re meant to be a team, and yet he’s ignoring my feelings and refusing to apologise. What kind of team is that when the team members can’t even support each other?
I apologise when needed. No issues there, but he…I sometimes want to bash him about the head to force out a genuine apology, because my God I deserve one right now. If you deserve an apology, he better fucking give one.
He can do it simply with words, or if he’s non-verbal and struggles to let his man pride take a back seat, he can get flowers or make you some hot chocolate in bed or something. As long as I know he’s sorry, I’m good, but he has to make me believe it…My other issue is he has to actually say it to me, because we’re in a long distance relationship, so he has to. I can’t see him constantly, so he Has. To. Say. It. Otherwise…how am I supposed to know?
Yet…maybe it isn’t solely the lack of apology I need right now, but to have felt some level of interest and understanding from my partner, instead of him just not seeming to care. I know some guys don’t like to talk through issues, or have long conversations about ‘feelings’, but if you don’t seem to give a fuck, the girl is going to question how deep your own feelings for her are. You may be certain of his love for you, but then he upsets you and doesn’t seem to care…and it rocks you slightly, because…well…if he cared as much as you had originally thought, he would be showing it, yes?
And that is why I am frustrated right now.
Sorry for the rant people, but a rant is healthy every now and then XD
Update: he apologised, and now I’m sheepishly looking over my rant with my head in my hands…oh dear…um…shit. He actually apologised…didn’t really expect it to happen for real…0-0 currently feeling guilty for ranting