Respecting His Mother’s ‘No Bed Sharing Rule’

I love my boyfriend’s parents.  Absolutely adore them.  They are warm, welcoming, chilled out and good fun, and so I often love seeing his parents as well as seeing my boyfriend.  Though it was hard to get over the fact his mum called me ‘babes’ the first time we met, and that they actually liked me, I got very comfortable very quickly.

My mum always told me before meeting his parents: ‘become his mum’s best friend’.  This is a very natural rule in my mind, because I don’t want to be his mum’s enemy or to find myself butting heads with her…I wanted to be her friend or at least be on decent terms for my boyfriend’s sake, but also for mine XD

Thankfully she really likes me from what my boyfriend has told me, and the same for his dad. However, we came across a certain ‘rule’ that at first, made me enraged.

My dad had already given us a rule where my boyfriend couldn’t stay over until six months had passed, so another rule felt unfair.  We see each other twice a month, or more or less depending on how much money we have, so each moment together is special.  Rules on top of the limited amount of time we can spend together was just…deflating.

This new rule was that even when I could sleep over at my boyfriend’s house, he had to take the sofa while I slept in his bed. My first thoughts were ‘why?!?!’, and ‘but as a couple we should be allowed, shouldn’t we?!?!’.

I asked him to ask her why, which was a wrong move because it only pressures him unfairly.  He flat-out refused to ask her, since if that was her only rule then so be it.  Admittedly, I have to agree that it is fair.  His mother has a strong belief that you shouldn’t share a bed until marriage, due to her religious beliefs or something, I don’t know, but I have to respect her wishes.  It’s her son afterall, the ‘I’m his girlfriend‘ line has no power here XD

So if I can’t share a bed with him in his parents house, I’ll have to deal with it, no matter how much I dislike it. Who knows, maybe she’ll see we respect her rule and will allow it one day, but if she doesn’t…so be it.

However we are allowed to share a bed outside of his parents house, thankfully.  Sharing a bed to me is important.  It isn’t a purely sexual thing, it’s an intimacy that I crave because it’s warm and loving. For the first time this August he is going to sleep over at my house, and I’m buzzing.  We shared a bed for two nights on a weekend away to York together, and I loved waking up feeling him pressed against my back with his arms around me.  It’s a good feeling where I’m left completely content.

So, I guess the moral of this post is…even if the rule may seem strange, or you don’t agree with it, you have to respect the rules to avoid unnecessary conflicts.  Be mature about it, even if you want to pull your hair out and growl in anguish.

True, I dislike having to say goodnight to him downstairs and then having to trudge gloomily to his room alone, but it isn’t the end of the world.  I can live with it, and so can he.  If it keeps things good with his family then I’ll do it, because they are really good people.  Plus, think of it this way: they are feeding you, letting you use their house and even offering you a warm comfy bed with the privacy needed to dress and undress.  All in all, I can’t argue 🙂

Ulalume Poe

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