Respecting His Mother’s ‘No Bed Sharing Rule’

I love my boyfriend’s parents.  Absolutely adore them.  They are warm, welcoming, chilled out and good fun, and so I often love seeing his parents as well as seeing my boyfriend.  Though it was hard to get over the fact his mum called me ‘babes’ the first time we met, and that they actually liked me, I got very comfortable very quickly.

My mum always told me before meeting his parents: ‘become his mum’s best friend’.  This is a very natural rule in my mind, because I don’t want to be his mum’s enemy or to find myself butting heads with her…I wanted to be her friend or at least be on decent terms for my boyfriend’s sake, but also for mine XD

Thankfully she really likes me from what my boyfriend has told me, and the same for his dad. However, we came across a certain ‘rule’ that at first, made me enraged.

My dad had already given us a rule where my boyfriend couldn’t stay over until six months had passed, so another rule felt unfair.  We see each other twice a month, or more or less depending on how much money we have, so each moment together is special.  Rules on top of the limited amount of time we can spend together was just…deflating.

This new rule was that even when I could sleep over at my boyfriend’s house, he had to take the sofa while I slept in his bed. My first thoughts were ‘why?!?!’, and ‘but as a couple we should be allowed, shouldn’t we?!?!’.

I asked him to ask her why, which was a wrong move because it only pressures him unfairly.  He flat-out refused to ask her, since if that was her only rule then so be it.  Admittedly, I have to agree that it is fair.  His mother has a strong belief that you shouldn’t share a bed until marriage, due to her religious beliefs or something, I don’t know, but I have to respect her wishes.  It’s her son afterall, the ‘I’m his girlfriend‘ line has no power here XD

So if I can’t share a bed with him in his parents house, I’ll have to deal with it, no matter how much I dislike it. Who knows, maybe she’ll see we respect her rule and will allow it one day, but if she doesn’t…so be it.

However we are allowed to share a bed outside of his parents house, thankfully.  Sharing a bed to me is important.  It isn’t a purely sexual thing, it’s an intimacy that I crave because it’s warm and loving. For the first time this August he is going to sleep over at my house, and I’m buzzing.  We shared a bed for two nights on a weekend away to York together, and I loved waking up feeling him pressed against my back with his arms around me.  It’s a good feeling where I’m left completely content.

So, I guess the moral of this post is…even if the rule may seem strange, or you don’t agree with it, you have to respect the rules to avoid unnecessary conflicts.  Be mature about it, even if you want to pull your hair out and growl in anguish.

True, I dislike having to say goodnight to him downstairs and then having to trudge gloomily to his room alone, but it isn’t the end of the world.  I can live with it, and so can he.  If it keeps things good with his family then I’ll do it, because they are really good people.  Plus, think of it this way: they are feeding you, letting you use their house and even offering you a warm comfy bed with the privacy needed to dress and undress.  All in all, I can’t argue 🙂

Ulalume Poe

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Some Rules I’ve Made For Myself When Arguing With The Boyfriend

I’m a difficult girlfriend, it’s true.  Terrifyingly so.

I do not respond to criticism well, I’m stubborn, I get moody and I’m sensitive.  Plus, I have terrible confidence issues and over think a lot.  So overall, I’m quite the package when I’m not at my best.  So after a recent argument that could have been completely avoided if I had not been a moody and hyper sensitive nutjob, I made myself a few rules.

I’m well aware of my flaws (hence why I over think a lot), and because I love my boyfriend I’m willing to make changes because…who the hell likes to argue with the person/people they care about? So here we go!

1.) Eat something

Sometimes when I’m hungry, or I’m low on sugar, I turn into the grouchy evil version of myself, where if you say anything even the slightest bit annoying or insensitive, then I am definitely going to be a pain in the ass about it. So, a cup of tea and biscuits are a quick fix, or if it’s a severe case of a terrible mood, an entire meal might be needed if I’m really hungry XD

I’ve done random Google searches on how food affects mood, and amazingly, it’s a thing.

Check out: http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/how-food-affects-your-moods

Or check out: http://www.everydayhealth.com/news/ways-food-affects-your-mood/

Both sites look into how food affects moods and so on, and is really quite insightful and enlightening, so it may be worth looking into.

Ps – I’m still getting to grips with this site, so if I’ve done something stupid with the links by just copying and pasting it here, please tell me!

2.) Don’t rise to the bait

It takes two people to argue, no doubt about it. If one person is shouting and the other is having none of it, then the shouter will eventually get bored: fact. A tip for these situations is to say ‘I don’t want to argue’, and to just keep saying it, or to leave them to their own bad mood. More often than not, they’ll realise that they were being unfair or overly aggressive in their approach.  Most arguments, I’ve found personally, can be completely avoided if you both realise that shouting will get you nowhere, and so to just discuss the issues like civilised people.

3.) Don’t play the Blame Game

Okay, okay…I get it. I get in a bad mood, and then blame him because he said something hurtful or insensitive.  It happens. But I read on a site a long, long time ago that you should never be arguing about what the boyfriend did in the summer of 1993 whenever another argument pops up.  So another little tip: Only argue about things that have happened in the past week.  Keep it relevant. Arguing is not point scoring, because that is just immature and will get no one anywhere, ever. It might be hard not to when he brings out the big guns and tries to stack up on points, but don’t play into his hands.  Take the higher ground. Try saying that you are not going to point score, and that you want to talk about the issue at hand.

4.) Avoid swearing or Insults

No one likes to be sworn at or insulted, ever.  Especially when it’s your boyfriend, or even if it’s yourself doing the swearing and insulting! People regret letting their anger get in the way and hurting the other person. It’s not a nice feeling for either of you. Plus, then it may bring on a whole new world of arguing: the hurt game. Who can hurt the other more?  Now that’s unhealthy, and destructive.

Swearing, although reflective of your frustration and anger, instantly puts the other person on the defensive and willing to swear right back.  It’s the same with insults, although if there’s only one person ever insulting the other…there’s a big issue.  They need to change their act, or else someone is going to feel unloved, disrespected and resentful.

However, if swearing and insults do come into the argument, always apologise.  Always.  Takes two to argue, so take responsibility and apologise.

5.) Look at things from their point of view

My issue is that I am stubborn and feel sorry for myself.  I focus on the wrong that he is doing to me, and forget that sometimes he might not understand, or that I’ve been doing wrong to him.  It’s easy to get selfish when we’re hurt because we’re on the defensive, but we have to take a step back and look at the situation from a different perspective.  Maybe you feel hurt because he forgot a Skype Date, or he said something thoughtless that hurt your feelings…well maybe he forgot because he was busy, got pulled away by other responsibilities and wotnot, and that thing he said that hurt your feelings?  Perhaps you misunderstood, or he said it wrong, or perhaps he’s already in a foul mood and took it out on you.

Whatever the case, find the root of what happened, and work from there.  Most of the time it might be trivial, or a whole misunderstanding.

6.) Take a break from arguing

Breathe!  If you feel like you are going nowhere, and things are getting worse, just take a step back or take a walk. Sometimes we need a Time Out to realise a few things.  Most of the time when I take a break I realise that either I’m wrong (which is mostly the case) or I’ll realise he is and he owes me an apology…however if we argued I should apologise too I believe, because hey…TAKES TWO TO ARGUE!

Never go ‘For a drive’ when you’re angry because this can be dangerous.  Go for a walk.  Always.

7.) Avoid texting long paragraphs or lectures

Due to my Long Distance Relationship our arguments are mostly over text…everyone hates it when parents etc lecture us, and long text paragraphs are lectures.  It’s long and a bombardment of negatives that may make your boyfriend/girlfriend feel attacked and it can take a kick to their confidence.

If you lecture your partner on all the things they do wrong, it’s not nice.  If you’re arguing, keep it direct, relevant and simple.  If you do this it can be easier to wade through to the issue, rather than sit there on our phones sighing, or sitting there receiving an ear full not wanting to listen.

8.) Question why you are arguing

Is it even worth arguing?  Is the whole mess worth the original point you were arguing about?  Sometimes, admittedly, I lose track of what I was angry about in the first place because I’m too upset over his reaction and so on…so a tip is to write down your original reason you’re arguing.  It might sound stupid, but it may help you realise something.

If it’s over something silly, just drop the argument and talk through to find a solution.  If you have a real reason to argue…make sure you’re clear on why, and follow all other tips!

9.) Question if you are currently frustrated by other matters

Work was hard and long, there’s a stubborn stain on your favourite shirt and some idiot on the road beeped at you for no apparent reason…if you are having a bad day and you are bottling it all up, it can be easy to take it out on your partner.  I’ve had this: a bad family day out, my sister being a rude bitch and my parents interrogating me over what I’m doing with my life…it was easy to finally dump all my anger on my boyfriend when he said anything slightly annoying or insensitive.

But it is NEVER right to take out your anger on OTHERS.  Ever!

So if this is the case, apologise, explain yourself, and try to work out a solution.  Hugs might help!  And a cuppa tea and a biscuit…

10.) Once the argument is over, it’s over!

Holding a grudge is like letting someone live in your head rent free’ – my boyfriend told me this before we had even met over text, and really, it’s one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received.

Holding a grudge, firstly, means that negative feelings linger, and you’re just hurting yourself even more. Plus, it does nothing.  Nothing happens if you hold a grudge.

So, instead of sulking, giving the stupid silent treatment, or trying to ‘punish’ the other by putting on a sex ban, hiding the Xbox controller or just being pure nasty to be around…just let it go.  If he apologised, or she apologised, then let it go.

You’ll get over it.

11.) Don’t read too much into things

I’m sensitive, I think I mentioned this before?

For example, my boyfriend told me to work on riding him during sex, and my reaction was ‘OMFG I’M TERRIBLE AT SEX, I’M HORRIFIED!’

Yeah…I went to the extreme, when really, he just wanted a more enjoyable sex life, and that isn’t a crime.  Besides, I knew I had to work on it, and he was willing to help, so the issue?  My sensitivity.

Try to see things for what they are, in a simple manner.  Avoid going to extremes.

12.) Don’t sulk afterwards or be a downer

Even if you’re not holding a grudge, the aftermath of a fight sucks because arguments hurt.  However, when it’s over it’s over, and maybe it’s true that you may still be upset, and that’s natural and understandable.  Yet, you should make an effort to be nice to be around, and to try patching things up so you can go back to how you were before the fight.

Or, if things were really bad and you really are upset…it will take a time to get into the swing of things perhaps, and maybe you need an apology that you haven’t received yet, or your partner is acting like nothing happened or that it was all your fault.  If this is the case, talk to them, or even seek help if the relationship is already rocky.

13.) Don’t feel sorry for yourself

I’m guilty of this…I’m narrow-minded in arguments, and so it’s easy for me to throw my hands up and say ‘You don’t care about me’, ‘so I’m a bad person’ and so on…however, this is just unhealthy for you and the relationship.

If you want to have a Pity Party, take some time for yourself, or get over yourself.

Either cheer up and get on with it, or take a breather on your own.  Remember, the other person might just be craving the normality of how you were before, and seeing you pitying yourself is a turnoff…a total turnoff.

14.) Hold back a little on your feelings

I always seem to give an essay about my feelings.  ‘I feel’ is something I say a lot, and as much as my feelings do matter, sometimes it just needs to be direct, simple and relevant! Don’t beat about the bush, writing an essay or something…it comes across as one-sided and lecturing.

So if that one ickle word made you feel a bombardment of things…try to find a simple way to say it.

15.) Don’t interrogate

This is aggressive in all honesty, and the partner will be on the defensive again.  Some questions are fine, but if you’re throwing them at the poor dear then hold back! No one likes to feel like they are being intruded on with no mercy.

16.) Address the real issue

Just get it sorted out.  If you waste time on tiny details that don’t matter, then you’re spending longer on a process that no one likes.  Arguing is horrid…for me it knocks my confidence, makes me insecure for a while and makes me slightly fretful in the slightest change of tone or mood.

It’s just bad.

17.) Let him speak

He has a right to speak, he’s in this relationship too! Let him say how he feels, or again, it’s all one-sided and he’s going to feel attacked.  He’ll just give up eventually.  He deserves to be listened to, no exceptions!

You may learn something, or find the root of the real issue, but either way it’s important.  You can’t trample on his voice.

18.) Exercise

It’s true, it helps!  It’s a nice outlet for any frustration and anger, and burns away wibbly wobbly bits you want to get rid of! Double win, and enjoyable.

19.) Apologise

I’ve said this throughout the post, but it’s important.  If you both argue, apologise.  Otherwise someone is going to feel resentful and unloved, or another argument may follow.  Also, while we’re on the subject: FUCKING MEAN IT! I did not give a heart-felt apology just for you to give a half-arsed one in return! Give me a real one!

However, that’s all for now XD

Ulalume Poe

When were parents given the Divine Right to insult their children?

I am 18, living at home with my parents and jobless currently due to finishing college and awaiting my results so I can move forward.

I am not a perfect daughter, I am well aware.  I am lazy, I don’t like housework, I get grouchy when criticised and I’d rather be on my laptop then in a room where my brother is watching kids TV, my sister is babbling about getting her hair cut and my parents are busy.

However…one thing that makes me the worst version of myself in the entire world…is my parents insulting me without restraint, and my sister will even join in occasionally.

Today my mum called me a ‘Lazy arsehole’, ‘a slob’ and a ‘festering human being’.  In a way, I can understand her frustration.  I got up late, I hadn’t done the dishes, and I wasn’t even dressed.  Fair enough.  Yet, as soon as you insult a teenager, degrade them with words, verbally attack them, follow them around while shouting even when they’re doing what you wanted them to do, or talk to them sarcastically…you have a reluctant teenager who doesn’t even want to lift a finger for you.

Shouting, insulting and screaming at your teenager doesn’t teach them to be better people.  It teaches them all the ways to resent you, and make them do their chores so that you don’t verbally attack them, shout and scream again. They will feel hard done to, disrespected and an isolated member of the family if they feel like you are attacking them.

I don’t even like being in the same room as my parents anymore, because if I say or do something they dislike they won’t talk to me…they’ll shout at me as if I’m stupid, and then lecture me about how they are justified in their shouting.  I repeat: shouting doesn’t teach anything.  It teaches the teenager all the ways to resent you. 

If your teenager feels like you are only going to criticise them, they will stop talking to you, sharing things with you, and will prefer to spend time away from you.  If they act grouchy with you, or touchy and reluctant to do anything you say, reflect on why.  If they don’t want to say, it may be that you have upset them and they think that you don’t value their opinion.

Respect is a two way street.  If parents expect respect, respect the teenager, or else they won’t think there is a valuable reason for them to respect you.  So simple things like invading their privacy, going into their room without knocking and interrogating them…just don’t.  You wouldn’t like it if they did that to you, so don’t do it to them.  Simple.

I’ve tried countless times to seep back into my parents ‘good book’ so to speak, because I’m tired of feeling like the black sheep. I try to keep them in the loop, talk to them, explain myself to them and suggest things to do with them…and they always shout at me, or tell me I’m always grumpy and ask if I want something.

Don’t act suspicious about your child unless you are concerned.  If you are suspicious they’ll feel like you don’t trust them, and will automatically not want to share anything with you at all.

You can’t expect everything and not give them anything back, even if you have brought them into this world, paid for their phone and so on.  Everyone likes to feel appreciated, so every now and then, why not do something they like?  Small things like recording their favourite show, suggesting a shopping trip or buying them their favourite sweet.  If they don’t feel appreciated for doing all their chores, doing their homework, getting good grades etc, then what is the point? Yes, they should be doing those things anyway in your books, but it’s stressful as a teenager, and the occasional ‘How was your day?’ would be appreciated.  Or allowing them some chill time after college to go on their phone, instead of expecting them to be doing the dishes and for the house to be spotless as soon as you come home.

Another thing…don’t forget that as a parent you have to pull your finger out and do things too.  Yes, again, we teenagers understand you go to work, get tired, and want a nice clean house to come home to…but! Why should they do it if you don’t?  You live in the house too, and as a family you all contribute to any mess there may be.  So we teenagers expect you to look after the house too, or we really do feel like Cinderella, or maids.

I understand I am ‘only’ a teenager, and may not understand everything about being a grown up, but as a person I know how I would like to be treated.  Just because you are a parent doesn’t mean you are entitled to be a knob.  You have to listen, be patient, understanding and capable of compromise.  In a lot of ways, it is a relationship.  It is really that simple.  When you divide everything up into what they really are, you begin to realise that things need work. Everything does.

Also, if your teenager gives you attitude, it may be because you are.  Re-evaluate your own tone, and maybe you’ll learn something. If you are a parent reading this in the hunt for information about why your teen is grouchy, full of attitude or unwilling to do anything…this might help you.

I am not perfect, as I have mentioned before, and I know I should do more around the house. However…it’s a two way street.  There are reasons I am reluctant to do more, and I have explained them.

I currently have to do more so my boyfriend can sleep over, and that…again…will piss off a teenager if they feel like you as a parent don’t do enough, or that you are punishing them, and that you don’t respect their feelings…However I intend to set a good example so that my parents realise they should do more, otherwise I am just a maid.

So remember: Be a decent human being, respect is a two way street, you have to work too, listen, and avoid shouting and screaming insults at them.  You might just get a good reaction, because believe it or not, some teenagers want a good relationship with their parents.

Bye for now,

Ulalume Poe

When The Boyfriend Doesn’t Like a Friend

I had this issue when I told him my friend had depression, and was perhaps doing things she shouldn’t be doing…I’ll leave it up to you guys to imagine what those things could be.

He, understandably, was concerned that she may drag me down.  She would be a bad influence and so on.  I’m not a very strong person mentally, but I wanted to stick by her because she was my friend. I wanted to help.

However…she got worse.  These ‘things’ she was doing weren’t helping her depression, and she was being self-destructive. I concluded that I’ll be there for her, and the door is open for her…but it’s her choice whether or not she walks through that door.  I’m not going to jump when she says jump…it’s not fair on me.

This issue with my friend…I’m dealing with.  Not my boyfriend.  People have to remember that it is always your choice with how you deal with your friends, not your boyfriends choice, and so for now…I’m taking a break to get my head together before talking to said friend.

My boyfriend also didn’t like my college friends.  Two of them partied hard, one cheated a lot on her boyfriend, they wanted me to drink despite me not wanting to, and they introduced me to guys who were complete utter shitbags-and they didn’t even seem to see they were shitbags.  Excuse me?  Lying about being a porn star, getting a girl pregnant and then the girl got an abortion?  Would you really lie about that shit?  Plus, this guy asked for naughty pics of me, and my friends still told me he was lovely….WRONG!  I’m in a relationship man, piss off!  My boyfriend got worried because he’s not close by due to the LDR, and so it’s up to me to avoid the dickheads my so called friends would introduce me to.  I agreed to go for a meal with them if the dickhead wasn’t there…only to find out as soon as I got into the car that he was meeting us there.

What friends *rolls eyes*.  It was even worse when I was forced to get a lift with him.

This wasn’t the only reason he didn’t like them.  They made me feel inferior and as if I was only there so they didn’t feel lonely at dinner.  They rarely let me speak my mind freely, because yes I am perverted, but that isn’t really an issue…I shouldn’t be made to feel bad about it.

In a lot of ways my boyfriend is right about these friends, and that they are bad for me.  I get it.  I tried to leave them and spend more time with people I liked spending time with…but then the other friends started guilt tripping me.  I’m hoping to fade away from them a little, but one of them I want to keep in touch with because she could be a good friend…she just knew a lot of dicks…

So when your boyfriend doesn’t like a friend…listen to why.  Communicate and talk through why he has an issue, but never let him decide who you can and can’t be friends with.  My boyfriend helped me realise my so called friends were just making me feel bad constantly, and that I shouldn’t allow that to happen, which is true, but I decided to try different options with them in case things got better.  I wish I didn’t.

You should always surround yourself with people who make you happy.  However, you should also be there for the friends who need you.  It’s a tricky balance.

When An Apology Is Not Enough

I wrote a post yesterday about the frustration when my boyfriend does not apologise, and how it makes me feel, and despite believing I’d never get an apology…I got one before the end of the day.

However, it didn’t solve anything for me.  Feelings of hurt didn’t magically disappear, nor did the frustration.  Yet, if I say ‘your apology means nothing’, he may be put off from apologising (if needed) again, so where does that leave me?

With the conclusion that he has to make it up to me.

I’m not an expensive girl, and I’m easily made happy by the simplest of things. Give me your hoodie that has your scent all over it?  I’m beaming from ear to ear.  Buy me a KFC, or a doughnut?  Let me kiss the daylights out of you.  I’m very, easily, satisfied like that.

But what do I want?  I’m not materialistic, I’m sentimental, and I prefer actions and genuine words to show me real feeling, so…it’s up to him.  It would be wrong to demand something in particular, or to guilt trip him into something, and that is just not me.  So it’s all down to him, and I have a feeling he knows he has to do something, and I’d feel bad if he’s dreading it.

It just has to be enough to make up for what he did, and maybe it will take time, but either way…something has to happen.

The Importance Of Foreplay

To all the guys out there that skip it, or roll their eyes or even think it’s a chore…GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER.  Foreplay is important, and the bottom line is, it feels amazing, and can make sex even more amazing.

You need foreplay to get her in the mood, wet enough for penetration, and feeling loved and aroused.  If you just climb on top of her, have sex and then wonder off without so much as a cuddle afterwards, she may feel used and unsatisfied. Try having sex and not having an orgasm, and then think about how you feel.  Are you unsatisfied?  Wanting more?

Yes?

Then maybe that’s how a woman feels when she is not receiving some proper loving.  Most women cannot orgasm from penetrative sex alone, and this is perfectly normal.  Most women, if not all women, love stimulation prior to sex.  We love caressing, kissing, fondling, fingering and oral sex. Our orgasms are important too.

You see, sex is for you as a couple.  It should never be one-sided or else someone may end up feeling resentful.  So, before you drop you trousers and make your desires heard, think about what she may like, what she does like.  Maybe it’s true that she loves something you do during sex, but…it could be a heightened experience made more enjoyable if you take the time to fully arouse her.

Also, another point is that sometimes, if she is not well lubricated enough, it is uncomfortable, and sometimes she may be wary during sex that something down there is going to *coughs* rip.  Also, it is dangerous if she is not wet enough, because if there is too much friction the condom may come off, and if you do not want to get pregnant…a nightmare may unfurl.  If you men are reading this and shaking your heads at this, thinking it all nonsense and that foreplay is a waste of time…shame on you.   If you care about your girlfriend, wife etc, then you should care about her pleasure.  Take the time to make her feel appreciated, or you may just find yourself not having sex for a long time, or that she becomes unresponsive and unwilling. She may even think about not giving you the pleasure she usually gives you, because she feels like she is getting nothing back.

So to avoid all this, and to enjoy sex completely…foreplay goes a long way.  Ask each other what feels good, and what you would both like to try. Communication is key.  Spontaneous sex is good too, but foreplay is a must!  If you are a woman reading this and want your man to understand why you need a little bit of warming up before sex, educate him.  Or if you are a man needing foreplay, tell your spouse why you need it! Whether it’s emotional needs or physical, if you need something to feel good don’t be afraid to make it known, because sex is meant be enjoyable for both of you, not just the man, or just the woman.

Happy foreplay folks!

Ulalume Poe

The Thing About Tinder-The Tinder Type Blokes that you should avoid

I met my boyfriend on Tinder…strangely enough he happened to be the love of my life, because out of millions I had actually found him.  I hadn’t even considered it possible since there were so many pricks on Tinder, so when I matched with him my guard was up.  Here’s why…I thought that the control was all in my hands, down to me, and that I could filter out the pricks, the obvious pussy hunters and the cheap romantics, but it’s unbelievable how many there are out there…I thought love was dead, and I am lucky to have been able to find love, but some guys make you question the concept…I was, previously, a non believer. Had been single all the way until I was seventeen, hadn’t had a first kiss and didn’t even know how to communicate with the opposite sex, but I didn’t even want to.  I had seen so many people hurt, and could label the classic dunce that made me cringe… I had experiences with a few pricks, where after a few minutes texting, I wanted to dropkick them.  So here are the guys that you may come across, but they come in the bad category.  Please know that there are lovely guys out there, but man you have to do a lot of digging!

1.) Mr Pussy Hunter I had a load of these in the beginning…after the casual ‘Hey’ (or sometimes not) there would be the ‘I’m going to be honest’ line…I admit I had fun, and flirted occasionally, but after I had called it a night I would delete them straight away.  This guy will either get straight to the point, or will compliment and butter you up before revealing his true intentions.  Tinder is actually a dating site, but due to the well-known fact that people use it just to hook up…well…you know the rest…I think that due to this stereotype lots of Mr Pussy Hunters are there, rearing to go once they get a match.

2.) Mr Liar This guy will lie about his height, his hobbies or absolutely anything to seem more appealing.  Sure, height doesn’t really matter to me because almost everyone is taller, but why lie about things?  Why make it out that you have a certain way of life, because you will slip up, and then people will just know that you’re not someone they want to consider for a date.  Other types of liars are the ones that say they will talk again sometime, or they say lets meet up but then they never show.  I had a lot of guys disappear after a conversation where they seemed interested, but I had never met anyone on Tinder until I met my boyfriend.  I urge people to be wary about meeting people on Tinder.  Have a friend with you or go to a public place so that you’re safe, but also so that if you do get stood up, then you and your bud can just go get a Costa XD

3.) Mr ‘I will educate you about shit’ Urgh…this guy can talk, but he can talk on and on as if he’s an expert.  He might be, but who cares?  If I’ve just matched with you I do not want an essay on a topic which I might not even be interested in, and yes passion is cute, but not when it’s about dung beetles or computer science! I value intelligence, but still…leave it for another time.  Please.  Another type of this guy is someone who will share his life experiences as if he’s an old man with a hundred stories to tell.  Again, whoopee do, but also…let the other person talk.  If they respond with really short messages, they don’t care, or they feel like they’re just being lectured and not talked to.  Be considerate sweet pea :p

4.) Mr ‘Hey babe, let’s get down and dirty’ Similar to Mr Pussy Hunter, but he’s not after a real fuck, but rather some dirty material to wank over.  He may get straight to the point, or he may talk a while before revealing his true intentions. Sometimes it may take a few days before this, but after that one night a suggestive message turns into full-blown dirty talk, then you may not be able to have a ‘normal’ conversation again.  Once he knows he can get it out of you, he’ll try again, and at that point you may realise he doesn’t really care about you, and had no intention to meet you, but to rather just use you for occasional flirting.  It sucks, but these men exist, and hey ho…time to click that ‘unmatch’ button.

5.) Mr ‘What’s your Snapchat, send me a pic’ Jeez…so many of these exist.  If you go and read a profile which has their Snapchat on display, then it screams that he’s talking to other girls, and that he might just be a big flirt. It’s not a good sign, and as soon as we do get that message…I for one am out of here!  I’m not going to show a stranger who is miles away my breasts, and for the record it feels degrading because they don’t care about you, they just want to see a pair of tits.  I would rather get to know someone than to feel like an object for a guy to wank over, or to judge and criticise.  Some girls may love this, but me…nope.  If you ever want to get serious avoid this at all costs, and while you’re at it…no dick pics, but in all honesty we can turn this around and look to the ladies and say ‘Please…pleasepleaseplease…no pictures of your intimate area!  Or nipple pics!’

6.) Mr Cheap Pick Up Line Some girls may love the Pick Up Lines, but I for one just cringe and wonder how a guy can lack originality.  Yes, you may be nervous or excited, but no.  Yes, the usual ‘Hey’ is a weak point to start, but some of these Pick Up Lines are either sleazy, rude or way too soppy.  Plus, it gives off a certain image of you as a person, and raises the question: how many girls have you used that line on? In fact, did you do a quick Google search for a Pick Up Line that you thought was suitable?  Just avoid them!

7.) Mr Awkward Questions He will ask you things that make you squirm and feel uncomfortable, whether they are rude, gross or just plain weird.  He will make it out as if you’re judging or being the weird one if you comment on his behaviour, and will make you feel even worse.  Some of these guys are less rude and gross, but more intrusive into your personal life.  Asking things that you have only ever revealed to your mate and made them vow never to tell a soul! If he is asking really awkward and personal questions, tell him to back off or try to be subtle and change the topic. If he doesn’t get the hint…’unmatch’.

8.) Mr Sulky I’ve had this one…the one that will be offended if you are not itching to get to know them or say that you want to be with them.  The one I was matched with sent me a list of things like ‘1-I want to kiss you’, and asked me which number I would choose.  I chose the ‘let’s be friends’ one because it was safe and I didn’t really know him yet, at all, and the other options were…iffy.  But…behold!  He got sulky because I didn’t give him the answer he wanted, and he started getting very irate and annoyed with me.  I decided I wasn’t going to tolerate the childish immature behaviour, and hit the unmatch button.   If he sulks with you because you didn’t give what he wants, or you didn’t give in to his demands…it’s not worth it.  He’s not mature enough to deal with something like a real relationship, or even the possibility of it.  STAY CLEAR OF THIS!

9.) Mr High and Mighty This guy thinks he’s God’s gift, the bee’s knees and whatever, and he wants you to know it. Maybe he’s trying to be confident, or to show off his good points, but what he’s really doing is being inconsiderate about you and focusing all on himself. It get’s boring and one-sided, and perhaps…perhaps it’s a sign he’s in love with himself if he’s only capable of talking about himself. If you do get a chance to talk and he looks down on you, or tries to correct you…he’s Mr High and Mighty,  Why bother with this type?  Even if he gives a compliment, or flatters you…if it’s all about him, I’d run for the hills and then keep on running.

  10.) Mr I don’t have a life You try to get a conversation going, but every time you try, he gives a deadpan answer that doesn’t give you anything to work with. ‘What you up to?’ may be met with ‘Nothin much’ or ‘Just on the Xbox’.  Now, there’s nothing wrong with loving Xbox time, but if that is all you do, then she wants no part of it unless she does the same I suppose.  It makes you out to be a ‘Do Nothin, Wants Nothin In Life Guy’, and that is not riveting. TRY TO MAKE INTERESTING CONVERSATION! I have tried so many times to get a conversation going, only to get half-assed answers, and it gets boring pretty fast.  If you want the girl, work for the girl, like she works.  It’s a joint effort, and a two-way street.  Meet in the middle at least.

11.) Mr Lad This is a hard one to describe, and mostly just my own stereotype of what I really dislike in guys.  Maybe you will disagree, and feel free to do so, but no hate please.  ‘A Lad’…some people use this term positively, but it has become a very bad term for me.  He’s the one who drinks a lot and goes out to pick up girls, and then brags about it.  He’s the one playing with girls hearts, and keeping count of the girls he’s slept with.  He goes out to parties, but hopes to get a little side action from a pretty girl, and has lots of one night stands, and has often had a mishap with a condom in his drunken stupor with girl he’s known for fifteen minutes, but he wants a quickie upstairs with her.  This is a big fat stereotype of mine.  I’ve thought this while looking at a load of Tinder profiles, and yes…maybe I’m being judgmental and not all guys are like that, but if I get a whiff of ‘Lad’ from a profile…I’m not playing.  I don’t want to mess with that shit.

12.) Mr Where Do You Live? Do not, at all costs, tell a Tinder Bloke where you live.  Just don’t.  Alarm bells are sounding, and I’m having visions of seeing the guy on my doorstep demanding sex or maybe even wanting something worse.  I’ve had a guy ask where I live so he could drive down and fuck me, and really, it scared me.  Really scared me.  Instant ‘unmatch’, and then proceed to rock in the corner kind of stuff.  If he wants to know your exact address…don’t do it.

Now, maybe you disagree with some of my points, or think I’ve missed out a Tinder Type, but let me tell you this:  They are not all like this.  I’ve had lovely conversations with guys who are more than decent, but it just takes time and a lot of looking past all the bullshit that other guys throw at you. Plus, become a genius of sorting through the profiles, and looking out for any possible signs of him being ‘a dick’.  We all want Mr Right…no girl deserves less.