When The Boyfriend Doesn’t Like a Friend

I had this issue when I told him my friend had depression, and was perhaps doing things she shouldn’t be doing…I’ll leave it up to you guys to imagine what those things could be.

He, understandably, was concerned that she may drag me down.  She would be a bad influence and so on.  I’m not a very strong person mentally, but I wanted to stick by her because she was my friend. I wanted to help.

However…she got worse.  These ‘things’ she was doing weren’t helping her depression, and she was being self-destructive. I concluded that I’ll be there for her, and the door is open for her…but it’s her choice whether or not she walks through that door.  I’m not going to jump when she says jump…it’s not fair on me.

This issue with my friend…I’m dealing with.  Not my boyfriend.  People have to remember that it is always your choice with how you deal with your friends, not your boyfriends choice, and so for now…I’m taking a break to get my head together before talking to said friend.

My boyfriend also didn’t like my college friends.  Two of them partied hard, one cheated a lot on her boyfriend, they wanted me to drink despite me not wanting to, and they introduced me to guys who were complete utter shitbags-and they didn’t even seem to see they were shitbags.  Excuse me?  Lying about being a porn star, getting a girl pregnant and then the girl got an abortion?  Would you really lie about that shit?  Plus, this guy asked for naughty pics of me, and my friends still told me he was lovely….WRONG!  I’m in a relationship man, piss off!  My boyfriend got worried because he’s not close by due to the LDR, and so it’s up to me to avoid the dickheads my so called friends would introduce me to.  I agreed to go for a meal with them if the dickhead wasn’t there…only to find out as soon as I got into the car that he was meeting us there.

What friends *rolls eyes*.  It was even worse when I was forced to get a lift with him.

This wasn’t the only reason he didn’t like them.  They made me feel inferior and as if I was only there so they didn’t feel lonely at dinner.  They rarely let me speak my mind freely, because yes I am perverted, but that isn’t really an issue…I shouldn’t be made to feel bad about it.

In a lot of ways my boyfriend is right about these friends, and that they are bad for me.  I get it.  I tried to leave them and spend more time with people I liked spending time with…but then the other friends started guilt tripping me.  I’m hoping to fade away from them a little, but one of them I want to keep in touch with because she could be a good friend…she just knew a lot of dicks…

So when your boyfriend doesn’t like a friend…listen to why.  Communicate and talk through why he has an issue, but never let him decide who you can and can’t be friends with.  My boyfriend helped me realise my so called friends were just making me feel bad constantly, and that I shouldn’t allow that to happen, which is true, but I decided to try different options with them in case things got better.  I wish I didn’t.

You should always surround yourself with people who make you happy.  However, you should also be there for the friends who need you.  It’s a tricky balance.

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When An Apology Is Not Enough

I wrote a post yesterday about the frustration when my boyfriend does not apologise, and how it makes me feel, and despite believing I’d never get an apology…I got one before the end of the day.

However, it didn’t solve anything for me.  Feelings of hurt didn’t magically disappear, nor did the frustration.  Yet, if I say ‘your apology means nothing’, he may be put off from apologising (if needed) again, so where does that leave me?

With the conclusion that he has to make it up to me.

I’m not an expensive girl, and I’m easily made happy by the simplest of things. Give me your hoodie that has your scent all over it?  I’m beaming from ear to ear.  Buy me a KFC, or a doughnut?  Let me kiss the daylights out of you.  I’m very, easily, satisfied like that.

But what do I want?  I’m not materialistic, I’m sentimental, and I prefer actions and genuine words to show me real feeling, so…it’s up to him.  It would be wrong to demand something in particular, or to guilt trip him into something, and that is just not me.  So it’s all down to him, and I have a feeling he knows he has to do something, and I’d feel bad if he’s dreading it.

It just has to be enough to make up for what he did, and maybe it will take time, but either way…something has to happen.

The Importance Of Foreplay

To all the guys out there that skip it, or roll their eyes or even think it’s a chore…GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER.  Foreplay is important, and the bottom line is, it feels amazing, and can make sex even more amazing.

You need foreplay to get her in the mood, wet enough for penetration, and feeling loved and aroused.  If you just climb on top of her, have sex and then wonder off without so much as a cuddle afterwards, she may feel used and unsatisfied. Try having sex and not having an orgasm, and then think about how you feel.  Are you unsatisfied?  Wanting more?

Yes?

Then maybe that’s how a woman feels when she is not receiving some proper loving.  Most women cannot orgasm from penetrative sex alone, and this is perfectly normal.  Most women, if not all women, love stimulation prior to sex.  We love caressing, kissing, fondling, fingering and oral sex. Our orgasms are important too.

You see, sex is for you as a couple.  It should never be one-sided or else someone may end up feeling resentful.  So, before you drop you trousers and make your desires heard, think about what she may like, what she does like.  Maybe it’s true that she loves something you do during sex, but…it could be a heightened experience made more enjoyable if you take the time to fully arouse her.

Also, another point is that sometimes, if she is not well lubricated enough, it is uncomfortable, and sometimes she may be wary during sex that something down there is going to *coughs* rip.  Also, it is dangerous if she is not wet enough, because if there is too much friction the condom may come off, and if you do not want to get pregnant…a nightmare may unfurl.  If you men are reading this and shaking your heads at this, thinking it all nonsense and that foreplay is a waste of time…shame on you.   If you care about your girlfriend, wife etc, then you should care about her pleasure.  Take the time to make her feel appreciated, or you may just find yourself not having sex for a long time, or that she becomes unresponsive and unwilling. She may even think about not giving you the pleasure she usually gives you, because she feels like she is getting nothing back.

So to avoid all this, and to enjoy sex completely…foreplay goes a long way.  Ask each other what feels good, and what you would both like to try. Communication is key.  Spontaneous sex is good too, but foreplay is a must!  If you are a woman reading this and want your man to understand why you need a little bit of warming up before sex, educate him.  Or if you are a man needing foreplay, tell your spouse why you need it! Whether it’s emotional needs or physical, if you need something to feel good don’t be afraid to make it known, because sex is meant be enjoyable for both of you, not just the man, or just the woman.

Happy foreplay folks!

Ulalume Poe

The Thing About Tinder-The Tinder Type Blokes that you should avoid

I met my boyfriend on Tinder…strangely enough he happened to be the love of my life, because out of millions I had actually found him.  I hadn’t even considered it possible since there were so many pricks on Tinder, so when I matched with him my guard was up.  Here’s why…I thought that the control was all in my hands, down to me, and that I could filter out the pricks, the obvious pussy hunters and the cheap romantics, but it’s unbelievable how many there are out there…I thought love was dead, and I am lucky to have been able to find love, but some guys make you question the concept…I was, previously, a non believer. Had been single all the way until I was seventeen, hadn’t had a first kiss and didn’t even know how to communicate with the opposite sex, but I didn’t even want to.  I had seen so many people hurt, and could label the classic dunce that made me cringe… I had experiences with a few pricks, where after a few minutes texting, I wanted to dropkick them.  So here are the guys that you may come across, but they come in the bad category.  Please know that there are lovely guys out there, but man you have to do a lot of digging!

1.) Mr Pussy Hunter I had a load of these in the beginning…after the casual ‘Hey’ (or sometimes not) there would be the ‘I’m going to be honest’ line…I admit I had fun, and flirted occasionally, but after I had called it a night I would delete them straight away.  This guy will either get straight to the point, or will compliment and butter you up before revealing his true intentions.  Tinder is actually a dating site, but due to the well-known fact that people use it just to hook up…well…you know the rest…I think that due to this stereotype lots of Mr Pussy Hunters are there, rearing to go once they get a match.

2.) Mr Liar This guy will lie about his height, his hobbies or absolutely anything to seem more appealing.  Sure, height doesn’t really matter to me because almost everyone is taller, but why lie about things?  Why make it out that you have a certain way of life, because you will slip up, and then people will just know that you’re not someone they want to consider for a date.  Other types of liars are the ones that say they will talk again sometime, or they say lets meet up but then they never show.  I had a lot of guys disappear after a conversation where they seemed interested, but I had never met anyone on Tinder until I met my boyfriend.  I urge people to be wary about meeting people on Tinder.  Have a friend with you or go to a public place so that you’re safe, but also so that if you do get stood up, then you and your bud can just go get a Costa XD

3.) Mr ‘I will educate you about shit’ Urgh…this guy can talk, but he can talk on and on as if he’s an expert.  He might be, but who cares?  If I’ve just matched with you I do not want an essay on a topic which I might not even be interested in, and yes passion is cute, but not when it’s about dung beetles or computer science! I value intelligence, but still…leave it for another time.  Please.  Another type of this guy is someone who will share his life experiences as if he’s an old man with a hundred stories to tell.  Again, whoopee do, but also…let the other person talk.  If they respond with really short messages, they don’t care, or they feel like they’re just being lectured and not talked to.  Be considerate sweet pea :p

4.) Mr ‘Hey babe, let’s get down and dirty’ Similar to Mr Pussy Hunter, but he’s not after a real fuck, but rather some dirty material to wank over.  He may get straight to the point, or he may talk a while before revealing his true intentions. Sometimes it may take a few days before this, but after that one night a suggestive message turns into full-blown dirty talk, then you may not be able to have a ‘normal’ conversation again.  Once he knows he can get it out of you, he’ll try again, and at that point you may realise he doesn’t really care about you, and had no intention to meet you, but to rather just use you for occasional flirting.  It sucks, but these men exist, and hey ho…time to click that ‘unmatch’ button.

5.) Mr ‘What’s your Snapchat, send me a pic’ Jeez…so many of these exist.  If you go and read a profile which has their Snapchat on display, then it screams that he’s talking to other girls, and that he might just be a big flirt. It’s not a good sign, and as soon as we do get that message…I for one am out of here!  I’m not going to show a stranger who is miles away my breasts, and for the record it feels degrading because they don’t care about you, they just want to see a pair of tits.  I would rather get to know someone than to feel like an object for a guy to wank over, or to judge and criticise.  Some girls may love this, but me…nope.  If you ever want to get serious avoid this at all costs, and while you’re at it…no dick pics, but in all honesty we can turn this around and look to the ladies and say ‘Please…pleasepleaseplease…no pictures of your intimate area!  Or nipple pics!’

6.) Mr Cheap Pick Up Line Some girls may love the Pick Up Lines, but I for one just cringe and wonder how a guy can lack originality.  Yes, you may be nervous or excited, but no.  Yes, the usual ‘Hey’ is a weak point to start, but some of these Pick Up Lines are either sleazy, rude or way too soppy.  Plus, it gives off a certain image of you as a person, and raises the question: how many girls have you used that line on? In fact, did you do a quick Google search for a Pick Up Line that you thought was suitable?  Just avoid them!

7.) Mr Awkward Questions He will ask you things that make you squirm and feel uncomfortable, whether they are rude, gross or just plain weird.  He will make it out as if you’re judging or being the weird one if you comment on his behaviour, and will make you feel even worse.  Some of these guys are less rude and gross, but more intrusive into your personal life.  Asking things that you have only ever revealed to your mate and made them vow never to tell a soul! If he is asking really awkward and personal questions, tell him to back off or try to be subtle and change the topic. If he doesn’t get the hint…’unmatch’.

8.) Mr Sulky I’ve had this one…the one that will be offended if you are not itching to get to know them or say that you want to be with them.  The one I was matched with sent me a list of things like ‘1-I want to kiss you’, and asked me which number I would choose.  I chose the ‘let’s be friends’ one because it was safe and I didn’t really know him yet, at all, and the other options were…iffy.  But…behold!  He got sulky because I didn’t give him the answer he wanted, and he started getting very irate and annoyed with me.  I decided I wasn’t going to tolerate the childish immature behaviour, and hit the unmatch button.   If he sulks with you because you didn’t give what he wants, or you didn’t give in to his demands…it’s not worth it.  He’s not mature enough to deal with something like a real relationship, or even the possibility of it.  STAY CLEAR OF THIS!

9.) Mr High and Mighty This guy thinks he’s God’s gift, the bee’s knees and whatever, and he wants you to know it. Maybe he’s trying to be confident, or to show off his good points, but what he’s really doing is being inconsiderate about you and focusing all on himself. It get’s boring and one-sided, and perhaps…perhaps it’s a sign he’s in love with himself if he’s only capable of talking about himself. If you do get a chance to talk and he looks down on you, or tries to correct you…he’s Mr High and Mighty,  Why bother with this type?  Even if he gives a compliment, or flatters you…if it’s all about him, I’d run for the hills and then keep on running.

  10.) Mr I don’t have a life You try to get a conversation going, but every time you try, he gives a deadpan answer that doesn’t give you anything to work with. ‘What you up to?’ may be met with ‘Nothin much’ or ‘Just on the Xbox’.  Now, there’s nothing wrong with loving Xbox time, but if that is all you do, then she wants no part of it unless she does the same I suppose.  It makes you out to be a ‘Do Nothin, Wants Nothin In Life Guy’, and that is not riveting. TRY TO MAKE INTERESTING CONVERSATION! I have tried so many times to get a conversation going, only to get half-assed answers, and it gets boring pretty fast.  If you want the girl, work for the girl, like she works.  It’s a joint effort, and a two-way street.  Meet in the middle at least.

11.) Mr Lad This is a hard one to describe, and mostly just my own stereotype of what I really dislike in guys.  Maybe you will disagree, and feel free to do so, but no hate please.  ‘A Lad’…some people use this term positively, but it has become a very bad term for me.  He’s the one who drinks a lot and goes out to pick up girls, and then brags about it.  He’s the one playing with girls hearts, and keeping count of the girls he’s slept with.  He goes out to parties, but hopes to get a little side action from a pretty girl, and has lots of one night stands, and has often had a mishap with a condom in his drunken stupor with girl he’s known for fifteen minutes, but he wants a quickie upstairs with her.  This is a big fat stereotype of mine.  I’ve thought this while looking at a load of Tinder profiles, and yes…maybe I’m being judgmental and not all guys are like that, but if I get a whiff of ‘Lad’ from a profile…I’m not playing.  I don’t want to mess with that shit.

12.) Mr Where Do You Live? Do not, at all costs, tell a Tinder Bloke where you live.  Just don’t.  Alarm bells are sounding, and I’m having visions of seeing the guy on my doorstep demanding sex or maybe even wanting something worse.  I’ve had a guy ask where I live so he could drive down and fuck me, and really, it scared me.  Really scared me.  Instant ‘unmatch’, and then proceed to rock in the corner kind of stuff.  If he wants to know your exact address…don’t do it.

Now, maybe you disagree with some of my points, or think I’ve missed out a Tinder Type, but let me tell you this:  They are not all like this.  I’ve had lovely conversations with guys who are more than decent, but it just takes time and a lot of looking past all the bullshit that other guys throw at you. Plus, become a genius of sorting through the profiles, and looking out for any possible signs of him being ‘a dick’.  We all want Mr Right…no girl deserves less.

Debate of those three words

I’ll be honest.  I’m not someone who demands to hear ‘I love you’ on a regular basis, but even I can appreciate the meaning behind the words.  In fact, ‘I love you’ seems stronger than ‘Love you’, as the second is much more casual, and definitely not as personal feeling as ‘I love you’.  A simple moment with these three words said is special, and despite me saying it a lot myself, it is vital to say it.  Sometimes my boyfriend says something, and I am unable to fathom a response other than to tell him I love him.

But here is the debate…can there ever be a point where you can say it too much?  Does it really matter if you say ‘Love you’ instead of ‘I love you’, and why is it that sometimes saying those three words doesn’t feel enough?  Something I have discovered is that I can’t find the words to express how much I love my boyfriend, and so I am left with those three words, wondering if I should use them sparingly, or should just go ahead and say them when I feel it’s right.  I even Googled to find a word stronger than love, but could only find ‘agape’, a word that still doesn’t feel fitting.

So…where do you stand on the usage of those three words?  Use them sparingly, generously or when you’re feeling it?

Tied up and blindfolded: Is it worth the hype?

Before the ‘Fifty Shades of Grey‘ fascination with bondage, I was already intrigued by the topic of being tied down and blindfolded during sex, but since I was a shy and awkward individual, I never really spoke up about my desires with anyone since it was…a ‘dirty’ fetish of mine.  Plus, why was I so intrigued by this?  Was it the fact that I was being dominated?  Having my man ravish me in a moment of intimacy that made my senses alert and awake to every touch?  Or was it because I was just curious about it, wanted to try it out and just put a tick next to it on my ‘To Do List’?

In magazines it was everywhere…how to spice up life in the bedroom?  There most certainly would be bondage in there, but why?

After having my boyfriend tie me up and blindfold me…I can most definitely say it’s worth it.  Just watching him as he tied me up sparked arousal inside me, and it opened up a certain vulnerability that made me crave more.  My breasts felt exposed, free for him to fondle lovingly, and once blindfolded I was completely aware of his every touch.  For me, I normally don’t like it when I close my eyes for people because I hate surprises, but this was something entirely different.  Due to me trusting my boyfriend entirely, I felt very comfortable and safe just laying there, unable to see him or move my arms.

The first thing I realised, was that this allowed him to discover new parts of me that made me feel good.  As he kissed down my body I noticed that I was sensitive in certain areas that I didn’t expect, and I certainly wouldn’t have known otherwise because normally I might have stopped him, especially since it was my stomach and I didn’t see it as a kissable part of me.  Nor did I even think it would feel remotely satisfying to be kissed there.

I have to point out, also, that I forgot entirely about my body hangups during this intimate foreplay, as I was focussed on him and only him.  Admittedly it was a relief to forget all about my uncomfortable views upon him seeing my pudgy tummy or wibbly wobbly thighs and stretch marks, and it was nice to just settle back and enjoy myself. Nice to just feel good, which was easy to do because he made sure to make me feel good.

Teasing, however is something that works very well with being blindfolded I found.  You have to remember that he’s probably enjoying himself to high heaven watching you moan and gasp at his touch, and so he might be devilish in his enjoyment and really take his time.  It’s so intimate to feel where his kisses and caresses lead, and because you may tense or your breathing may increase, he’ll know exactly what he’s doing to you.  One thing that really got me was that I couldn’t kiss him during this, which I love during foreplay and sex because it’s so intimate and gives a chance for eye contact in between.  Yet he knew this…and so gave me a surprise kiss when I least expected it, which left me wanting more…the bugger!

I also want to announce how good oral is during this.  Having him go down on you whilst you’re tied up is just HOT.  There’s no other way to explain the sexual frustration of having your pleasure build up while he’s down there teasing the hell out of your clitoris. Since all the attention is focussed on pleasuring you, you will get satisfied.  It’s a guarantee.  Even if you don’t reach orgasm, it is still intense and satisfying, because you are getting that much needed clitoral stimulation that is sometimes missed perhaps.

After all this teasing and built up pleasure, it was hot to finally have the blindfold removed and to see my man, horny as hell.  Knowing that he enjoyed it too was not only a relief, but a huge fulfillment because it made me feel less selfish about being pleasured. It made me feel that I had also done something for him, despite me just being flat on my back moaning.  It was a moment that might have been most intimate of all then, because we were both more than ready for a much needed make out session and to go straight into passionate sex. That’s it; the humongous amount of passion afterwards was almost magical, because it felt like we were almost starved for each other.  Needing each other completely, and to urgently touch each other and enjoy ourselves.

What I find most important though, is not only did it feel absolutely satisfying, but I also felt closer to my man afterwards, and more comfortable with the idea of being tied up and blindfolded again.  I felt more confident perhaps too, and more willing to ask things of him during sex, because after all…my pleasure is important too, and if I enjoyed it…we are definitely doing it again!

So that is why being tied up and blindfolded is worth it, so the next time you find yourself musing over it, I gently urge you to consider trying it out.